Why Do Affairs Hurt?

February 15, 2016 by Yvonne Finn

Sexual and emotional affairs hurt and even though the pain is real what is the real reason?
Some victims of a sexual affair say they feel betrayed and rejected when their partner cheats.
Others are more angry than hurt even though the anger is really coming from a place of pain.

How would you respond to your husband or wife’s sexual or emotional affair?

Do you make a distinction between  sexual betrayal and emotional  betrayal ?
Is there a difference in the damage done by the illicit sexual affair of a spouse
and that caused by their inappropriate emotional intimacy with another?

Learn how to stop emotional affairs in your relationship

Read Emotional Affairs: Why They Hurt So Much …

Please leave your comments …

Cheating Can Never Be Excused

July 28, 2015 by Yvonne Finn

Cheating can never be excused no matter how well reasoned the arguments presented …
to yourself, your partner or anyone else.

What is the reason you cheat and what is the end game?
Cheating emphatically demonstrates that your current relationship is not fulfilling or
satisfying to you.
Did you just get up one morning and decide that or did it take time to get to that realization?
The reason I ask that question is because I want to know if an affair is the only solution to
this situation.

Wouldn’t it be more honorable to discuss your dissatisfaction with your spouse to see how to:

  • Either fix the relationship, or
  • Leave it and find a happier life with someone else

Many cheating spouses claim they are happy in their marriages and that cheating is only
about physical attraction?
Really, who are they kidding?

I do not care for or respect cheaters and nothing they say can make me understand
why they do it.

Infidelity greats so many victims!

It is one of the most avoidable painful events in your relationship.
Cheating is disrespectful to your partner, your family, yourself and even your
cheating accomplice.
Even if you are honest about not leaving your marriage then what is the point of
adultery?
Where is this extramarital relationship going?

In my opinion it is far kinder to let your spouse know that you are not happy
in the marriage and want to leave and find someone else.
Yes, that will be very painful, especially if your mate was unaware of your
unhappiness.

But that makes you both free to go and find love again.

 

How To Sincerely Accept My Cheating Spouse

July 13, 2015 by Yvonne Finn

I want to learn how to sincerely accept my cheating spouse and then survive the affair together.

This is an extremely difficult AND painful situation for any spouse to accept in their marriage.

Why?

Because when you accept someone who has hurt you it means that you must be able
to separate them from their
error actions and seeing their good points too, and that is what
the cheated on spouse will
need to do and keep on doing in order:

  • To survive the affair
  • AND save the marriage

Actually, in these circumstances,  “accepting” is even more important than “forgiving”.

The cheated partner in the marriage must focus on all the good things that they love
about their cheating spouse in spite of the hurt and betrayal unleashed by the affair.

It has been said that you can “hate the sin, but  still love the sinner!”

To sin means to make a mistake and that is what an adulterous affair is, unless of
course your cheating spouse has become a serial cheater and demonstrates that they
no longer respect and value your relationship and life you are building together.

Discover How To:

  • Accept a cheating spouse
  • Survive an affair
  • Save your marriage
  • And stay together

Survive an Affair FREE course
Click here and learn how to survive an affair (FREE course from Dr. Frank Gunzburg)

Once you have made that decision, then you and  your cheating spouse can then agree
on whether you will work this out on your own, get professional help or use a 
combination of both those strategies.

Learning to accept a cheating spouse and surviving an affair will be exhausting.
It is painful
work and sometimes you will feel like just giving up and starting fresh
with a new partner.

But, I caution you to remember that having an affair does not have to end your marriage
if both partners still love, value and respect each other.

Accepting a cheating spouse does not mean that you condone their betrayal of you and
your marriage and it certainly does not mean that you accept blame or even their
rational for having the affair.

At this point in the healing process, it simply means that you are willing to see a happily
ever after future together again.

Get Immediate Help Right Now and Survive The Affair

Click here now for a video to save a burnout marriage

Of course, just because you have accepted your cheating spouse and want
to save your marriage does not mean you wont have some trust issues.
Learning to overcome your battered faith in your spouse will take some
effort and the following article by MarriageSherpa .com does an excellent
job of showing you how to re-build your trust in your cheating mate…
Get marriage saving help now!

End His Affair With The Other Woman

July 7, 2015 by Yvonne Finn

Your husband has cheated and you want to end his affair but don’t think
you can find the strength.

The revelation of his infidelity has sucked the life out of you and the marriage.
It is a gut kick that feels like a death blow! You want to scream and run away.

The anger and pain is like a living thing inside you and you feel you will
never get past it.

Finding the energy to save your marriage seems like an impossible task.
However, one thing is certain …
You are not the first woman to discover that her husband has cheated
on her.

Sadly, you wont be the last one either.

I know that does not help you as you are experiencing the recent and
raw knowledge of his betrayal.

But just know that many of these hurting wives have discovered that
they can survive the affair and save their marriage.
And you can too; given time and effort.

Ensuring that your husband end his affair is key to mending and moving
on in the marriage.
If he is ambivalent about closing the door on the affair then you could try
to do it for him.
But accept that this might not work.
You see your spouse opened the door of your relationship and invited this
other person in and it will carry more of an impact if he lets them out and
closes the door.

Not only will it more powerfully state to the other woman that the affair is
truly over: it will prove to you that your husband has taken full responsibility
for having the affair in the first place.

Never let yourself believe that your spouse has all the power in whether to end
his affair or not.

If you are angry about the affair and not afraid to let him see it in full force then
you have high regard for yourself and the relationship. That is after all why you
feel so betrayed in the first place.

Let him do the work and show the effort he needs to convince you that he wants
to save YOUR marriage.

Express to him that you want to be sure that his behavior that led to the affair
has changed and only his SINCERE actions going forward can rebuild the trust
between the two of you.

You do have the strength to end his affair.

You can take the following three steps:

1.Make a decision
Are you are going to forgive and stay together?
Does he want to stay in the marriage?
Will he commit to doing what it will take to rebuild your relationship?

Only the two of you can decide.

2.Draw a line in the sand
Must he end the affair right now on the spot or can you live with the knowledge
that he is seeing someone else while he works through his feelings?
Some women can and some absolutely will not even consider such a scenario.
It can have some benefits in that when the affair is finally ended and he decides
on saving your marriage then you can know he will no longer be ambivalent about
the two of you.
In either case be strong in your position.

3.Don’t be a pushover
Once you have stated your position clearly to your spouse then hold firm.
Establish clear boundaries and timelines for what he needs to do.
Try not to judge your mate or be one up manning them because of the affair.
Just stand firm so he will not drag his feet in coming to decision about your
life together and …
Saving Your Marriage  

“““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““`

Have you been hurt by a cheating spouse? Did you cheat on your spouse?
Want help to heal, forgive and rebuild your marriage?
Then follow Dr. Gunzburg free three step process to rebuild trust and
intimacy in your marriage …

 

Get Help With The Guilt Of Cheating On Your Spouse.

July 7, 2015 by Yvonne Finn

Get Help With The Guilt Of Cheating On Your Spouse

Have you had an affair in your relationship?

It is natural to feel guilty when we hurt the ones we love.
Cheating on your spouse can provide even more of a reason to feel guilty
because the pain inflicted is intentional and should have been avoided.

However, having said that, we are human and none of us are perfect and
so we make errors in judgement.

One way to deal with the guilt of having an affair in your relationship is
to change the emotion you are feeling to one of remorse and regret instead
of one of guilt.

Guilt is like worry and is useless as a tool to empower you toresolve the
negative situation you have created in your relationship.

The guilt of cheating on your spouse is going to be fueled by the hurt and pain
that you have caused them and you will have to help them to feel appreciated
and secure in the relationship again.

Cheating on your spouse is going to make you feel ashamed and you may want
to get away from them rather that deal with the painful questions that they
will surely ask you.

However, as part of helping them heal you must be as honest and
open as you can with them about:

  • Why you had the affair
  • Assure and prove to them that the affair is truly over

This is not the time to start making excuses or worse yet, try to put the
blame for your cheating on them.

If you want to get help with the guilt of cheating on your spouse you
are going to have to work with them to uncover what went wrong with
your marriage and how to correct it and rebuild the trust and intimacy
that has been devastated in your relationship.

Another way to get help with the guilt of cheating on your spouse is to ask
their forgiveness in a sincere, CONTRITE and vulnerable manner.

Your spouse most likely will not be able to forgive you right away, but if both
of you want to survive the affair and put your energies into saving your marriage
then you will have:

  • To get past your spouse’s anger
  • And manage your own guilty feelings.

This will take time, effort and focused commitment.
One of the worst things you could do in this traumatic situation is to try to force
your spouse to progress through the process of healing too quickly, just because
you want to stop feeling guilty.

While you would be happy to have your cheating and the guilt you feel magically
disappear, swept under the rug as it were, however, this is not going to happen
and so you will have to be patient with your spouse.

Because it will take time for them to heal from your affair and regain their
self-esteem which your cheating destroyed.

I wish you help and healing in your marriage!

Download your survive an affair course at the link below …

Survive an Affair FREE course
Click here and learn how to survive an affair (FREE course from Dr. Frank Gunzburg)

Can Ego Ruin Your Relationship With Your Spouse?

June 8, 2015 by Yvonne Finn

Do you want to ruin your relationship with your spouse? I bet you will answer “Of course not”!
However, it is a fact that in some instances, putting your ego first can destroy your
relationship or marriage.

So, is your ego harming your relationships?

Let us get extreme and say your husband had an affair! That is what every wife dreads.
The pain and humiliation that some women experience in this event is not unlike a
death blow.

Some unfortunately, cannot forgive this betrayal and the union dies.

But, hold on a minute!
Did these women really stop loving their husbands on the spot?
Were they really incapable of forgiving their men, especially if it was a one time episode?

I am not minimizing the hurt, anger, pain and trauma of  a cheating partner living through
an affair in your marriage.
However, many women completely ruin the relationship when they put their ego above it.

What do I mean by that?
We all have egos. I believe that is part of being human.

Discover how to enjoy a soul-based relationship rather that an ego-based one!

But some things are more important than our egos.
Our important relationships with people should be able to take an ego blow once in a while and
survive and even thrive.

Too many women cannot or will not forgive the affair because they fear and are too concerned
about looking weak or foolish if they do so. (This applies to some husbands too, of course!)
These couples oftentimes actually have friends and family telling them so.
So, what to do.

First, I am not suggesting that you make yourself a doormat and have your spouse become a serial
adulterer.
This affair must be truly over and your mate (he or she) must be remorseful and want
and ask for your forgiveness.
Take the time you need to work through the trauma by yourself and with each other.
Then get qualified marriage-friendly counselling if you need it…
Saving Your Marriage

Do the work and communicate lovingly and respectfully with each other throughout the whole
process.
As the injured party in the affair you have a right to learn all you can about what caused the
affair (it is not you).
Insist that your husband take ownership for his lapse!

One thing you should not do is to allow your ego to ruin your relationship with your spouse
if you still love him and can rebuild the trust and survive the affair together.

Discover other marriage saving insights in the eBook: “Getting From Hello To Forever Together

How Not To Panic After His Affair In Your Marriage!

June 2, 2015 by Yvonne Finn

Don’t panic after his affair!”   I know you will be thinking “are you crazy?”

But hear me out! When we panic, we  usually shut down or make snap decisions that we will later regret and which we  might not be able to reverse.

Believe me when I tell you that I speak from personal experience.

So, after his affair, be angry and let him know just how betrayed and humiliated you feel.

But learn how not to panic after his affair and say or do things that will take you to divorce court.
Not if you ultimately want to save your marriage and rebuild your relationship.

You will never hear me tell you that this will be easy, because it  most certainly will be  one of the most difficult
experiences of your life.

Some days you will feel like giving up.

But when I say, “don’t panic after his affair” what I mean is not to let fear and overwhelming anger drive him further away from you and PERMANENTLY into the arms of someone else, that is unless you do not want to save your marriage.

Discover How To Prevent Your Relationship From Getting To Its Breaking Point Here!

If you panic after his affair you could end up feeling as if you are going crazy, literally losing your mind and that is not a good state in which to make decisions of any kind, let alone one as important as Saving Your Marriage  or ending it.


The whole mix of  negative feelings and haunting images
that you are experiencing is natural and you should take
the time needed to process them.
But, if you allow yourself to become irrational, this will take longer than it need be
and could make a traumatic situation a permanent obstacle
in your aim to Saving Your Marriage

Panic is fear-based and will not empower you to deal with the actual facts of his affair.

Getting back to your former rational self is one of the MOST effective ways of saving your marriage!