Uncovering My Passion To Save My Marriage After His Infidelity

January 25, 2014 by Yvonne Finn

Uncovering my passion to save my marriage after his infidelity was an almost instantaneous decision that I made.

When my husband and I got married twelve years ago, we both decided that divorce was
not an option and that we would both do all we can to stay together forever
(for better or for worse), just as we promised in those wedding vows.

Of course, like all couples we hoped that our marriage would NEVER be tested by something so
gut-wrenchingly painful and life-altering as adultery by either one of us.

Yet, here I was facing this hurtful reality and knowing that only my passion for my
husband (and hopeful his for me )and the marriage would give us the strength to save the relationship
and move forward together.

Uncovering my passion to save my marriage was only the first step in doing so and it was not easy.
I had to really work at it because adultery is such a terrible blow to the relationship:
It evokes feelings of:

  • Rejection
  • Betrayal
  • Jealousy
  • Anger
  • Resentment

Plus a whole lot of other negative and disempowering emotions.

After my decision to save the marriage I then had to make sure that my husband also felt the same
way and would commit to doing the relationship- repair work that would be required.

Uncovering my passion to save my marriage after his infidelityEven before I forgave the infidelity we began to uncover the passion we knew was still there in the relationship.

The first things he had to do was:

  • End the affair completely( no contact with the other woman
  • Take full responsiblity for the cheating ( no excuses or trying to blame me)

Yes, the relationship obviously was in trouble
but it was his decision to become unfaithful to
the marriage.

I Want Help To Get Past My Husband’s Infidelity To Save The Marriage

January 22, 2014 by Yvonne Finn

Many women say, “I want help to get past my husband’s infidelity to save the marriage”  but
then they sabotage this very personal and life-changing decision by turning to the wrong
people for advice.
For some marriages cheating, adultery, infidelity or whatever name you give it is a
dealbreaker that spells the demise of the relationship.

No recourse or reprieve!

And that is certainly a couple’s choice, especially if that was something they agreed to going
into the marriage.

And yes, I am aware that being faithful to one another sexually is implied in the wedding
vows, but well, life happens and there are all kinds of reasons why spouses cheat on each another.

So, it is up to them to decide if they can get past the trauma that infidelity causes them and save their marriage.

Here are three suggestions:

  • Take a breather, some space and time to cool down from the anger, pain, feelings of rejection
    and resentment, guilt and all the other negative and disempowering emotions that are tearing
    you apart.
  • Then talk to each other to see if you agree to save the marriage
  • Decide if you will try to do this challenging work on your
    own (just the two of you working it out together)

If  however, at some point you realize that you want/need outside input to help save the marriage, then:

  • Speak only with family members or friends who like you both, want the marriage to succeed
    and can be objective with their advice
  • Work with a Relationship Advice Counselor who is pro-marriage and will work to save
    your marriage since this is what you want.

When you say, “I want help getting past my hisband’s infidelity to save my marriage” ensure
that you don’t work against yourself by allowing people with hidden agendas to influence you
by denigrating your decision.

get past husband's infidelity to save the marriageLove is powerful and strong and made to
withstand even the worse case scenario.

Which cheating certainly is!

Your marriage is sacrosanct, a place where
only you and your spouse have final say.

I wish you healing in your marriage, always!

YF

 

P.S. Click here to go to an online resource that many couples have found helpful in getting past infidelity to save the marriage

Dating After Divorce Can Be Tricky

January 6, 2014 by Yvonne Finn

Dating after divorce can be tricky and laden down with excess emotional baggage.

Even though I usually write about finding ways to stay together after cheating, there
are times when that is just not possible.

And I have to admit that!

For instance, some couples had decided before hand that cheating would be a dealbreaker in
their relationship.

If they stick to that agreement then there is nowhere to go but divorce court!

Hopefully these two one time lovers of each other can find a way to go their own way
without too much acrimony.

Too much bitterness from a failed marriage or relationship can carry over to dating after divorce.

Many newly single again individuals are turning to online dating which is fast becoming the new
singles scene.

But beware, the rules are different from the offline version!

For one thing anonymity can sometimes be used to inflict serious harm when you are
already vulnerable and maybe even a little insecure.

On the ads for these types of sites you can see many happy couples who found each other on one of
these online dating sites and that is indeed a happy ending.

But you must still use caution and your own good judgement to find the mate you want.

  • Know what you want
  • Take your time and don’t be rushed
  • Give as little personal information as possible
  • Take their phone and use*67 when you call them
  • Do not give your work address
  • Read more safety tips below in the

Post – Divorce Online Dating Guilde

 

How Do I Forgive My Cheating Husband

November 8, 2013 by Yvonne Finn

How do I forgive my cheating husband is a painful question that many wives have
had to ask themselves for centuries.
It’s only in recent decades that divorce has really been an option for women
whether their husbands cheated or not.
While it’s hard to believe in a silver lining right now, the bright and shining one
for you is that many marriages do survive cheating spouses and yours probably
will.

When you look at the number of relationships with cheating husbands or partners, the numbers
are truly staggering and heart -breaking.
Statisticbrain.com says that 41 percent of marriages have one or both spouses
admitting to infidelity (emotional or physical).  The really shocking news though
is that, for perhaps the first time in history, men and women are cheating on almost
an equal scale.
Fifty-seven percent of men admit to cheating in any relationship they’ve had
and 54 percent of women admit to cheating.

While the numbers themselves aren’t encouraging,  31 percent of marriages do
survive (and last) after the affair has been discovered.
When you consider that 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce, those numbers
are a little more promising.
But, how does this help you find forgiveness for the man who broke your heart and
the sacred vows you made together?

So, if you are asking, “How do I forgive my cheating husband“?

Here are some steps that should help …

Allow Yourself Time to Process the  Emotional Blow that Cheating Delivers.

This isn’t a light confession like drinking milk out of the carton or forgetting to take
the garbage to the road on trash pickup day.
Needing or wanting to forgive a cheating husband is a big deal!

You need to allow yourself the time, and space, you need to really process what has
happened, how you feel about what has happened, and what YOU want to happen next.

Don’t allow yourself to be bullied, cajoled, pushed, or dragged into a situation you’re not
emotionally prepared to dive into.
It’s too much and could put you into meltdown mode where you withdraw from everything
and everyone.
That’s not good for anyone or your marriage.

Be Selfish for a Little While

There’s nothing wrong with watching him work his way back into your good graces.
While it’s not cool to allow him to keep trying to win you over if you know you’re
going to leave, there’s nothing wrong with dragging it out a little bit to watch him
pay some sort of penance.
It won’t make up for the pain. It certainly won’t take the pain away.
But there is some sort of sadistic pleasure you can derive from it, and well the Universe
owes you a small dark moment or two in wake of a blow like this.

Forgive my cheating husband Forgive Yourself First

Women have been taught to blame themselves when their
men stray.
Even in this more enlightened and empowered times in which we
live there are still other women,prominent clergy, and
countless politicians who drive home the idea that the
woman is the one at fault when men stray.
Stop swimming in blame and guilt over actions that
weren’t your own.
You can’t own his actions any more than he can own yours. He did the cheating.
But once you forgive yourself for his cheating, you’ll find that it’s much easier to
forgive him for doing the cheating.

The path to forgiveness in infidelity is one of the most painful and surprising paths to walk.
When you follow these steps, you’ll find that it’s easier to walk (though by no means easy) than
you would have ever thought possible otherwise.

Is Cheating Ever Good For Your Relationship?

October 15, 2013 by Yvonne Finn

Can Cheating  Ever Be Good For Your Relationship Or Marriage?

More often than not, the knee-jerk response to this question is “No way!”
At least, that’s the clean version of the reaction.
However, there are times when cheating can be good for a marriage.
This is the case, according to research conducted by Dr. Lucielle Ostertag from the Italian Institute of Social Sciences.
Her study concluded that husbands and wives who cheat on each other are more likely to remain married.

She further concluded, however, that long-term affairs, on the other hand, were detrimental to the marriage.

Obviously, the theory raised in this study has been met with a great deal of controversy.
It goes against what we’ve been teaching in churches and communities over the last few hundred years.
However, if you look back even further, the idea of one man for one woman is a relatively new concept.

In the early years of humankind, it was all about survival of the species.
In later years, as survival was far more assured, monogamy became the prevailing philosophy and has been adopted by many religions and cultures around the world ever since.

When Is Cheating Good For Your Relationship?

According to Dr. Ostertag cheating works best when it’s done far from home, is a short-lived fling, and when couples adopt a “don’t ask; don’t tell” philosophy about their cheating.
Some couples even plan for cheating and establish ground rules so that it works for them.

How Can People Believe Cheating is Good?

Since the idea of cheating goes against the grain, it’s hard for many people to understand why or how it could possibly be a good thing.
The problem with many marriages is that you do marry your best friend. You love each other, but over time, the newness of it all, the sexual excitement, waivers.
Turning to a short-term alternative, allows a little newness and excitement into the relationship without sacrificing the emotional bond or love the husband and wife have for one another.

There is another way cheating can help make marriages stronger.
That way involves confirming that the grass is perfectly green within the marriage.
Sometimes, the affair serves to affirm the loving relationship you have at home.

Is Cheating Good for all Relationships?

Absolutely not! There are all kinds of relationships where this would never work.

If cheating is a deal-breaker in your partnership then this is off the table right away!
Some people believe that there are certain vows that simple should not be broken.
Forsaking all others is one of those vows.
There’s nothing wrong with being unable to forgive infidelity or unable to accept the idea that cheating could be good for marriage.

Obviously, every marriage is different.
What may be good for one is not necessarily good for others.

The take home from this should not be used to justify cheating.
It’s meant to show that it is possible to salvage your relationship, forgive, and move on even if your spouse has cheated on you. It is possible to forgive if that’s what you want to do.
You’ll ultimately have to decide if you can make the most out of it in an effort to build a better relationship in the aftermath.

shows couple in smiling embrace

Control Your Jealousy To Get Your Ex Back

October 10, 2013 by Yvonne Finn

Why You Must Control Your Jealousy if You Want to Get Your Ex Back …

Jealousy can be a huge problems for relationships. The green-eyed monster is especially problematic when we live in a world that includes Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, text messaging, instant messaging, email and so many other ways for people to communicate with each other – including members of the opposite sex.

More and more jobs expect professional employees to have ready access to information at all hours of the day and night and many people must go back into the office after hours on occasion, or never seem to leave the office on other occasions.

It leaves the doors wide open for jealous spouses and lovers to leap to the wrong conclusions quite often.

Some Jealousy Can be Good for the Relationship

While your significant other is probably glad to know you care enough for the green-eyed monster to rear its ugly head on occasion, it’s important to avoid making scenes, jumping to conclusions, and levy accusations and allegations without proof. The key is to find balance. You want your partner to know you care, but avoid going overboard with displays of jealousy lest they alarm your partner and cause doubts about the relationship.
Trust, after all, is also important. When jealousy is too “over the top” it leaves your partner feeling as though you lack trust.

Reigning in the Green-Eyed Monster

The key is to reign in your jealousy before it becomes problematic. Consider these actions to get your jealousy under control.

* Breathe deeply. Whenever your jealous thoughts are about to spiral out of control, take a moment to breathe in and out slowly and deeply. Focus all your attention on breathing for the next several breaths. This not only helps you calm your raging thoughts but also provides important seconds for clearer thinking to kick in.

* Speak calmly. This is not the time to incite violence or make threatening statements. Let your partner know you’re uncomfortable and explain why in a reasonable tone. Most partners will show respect for your feelings, even if your partner believes they are unfounded, and attempt to get out of the situation if it’s possible.

* Be proactive. When you feel the ugly head of jealousy making an appearance, start looking for thoughts and feelings that will cancel it out. The more active role you take in eliminating jealousy from becoming a problem for your relationship, the less likely it is to become one.

If jealousy has already caused big problems in your relationship, you can still get your ex back once you get your jealousy under control.  Then you just need to follow these simple instructions to have your ex back in your arms in no time.

 

Save Your Marriage and Enjoy Making Up

Secrets To Survive The Affair Together

October 2, 2013 by Yvonne Finn

Secrets to survive the affair together will help you get over the feelings of devastation,
rage, rejection and humiliation that are some of the emotions that follow being cheated
on by your spouse.

In this 3 – phase healing plan, Dr. Frank Gunzburg, who has 35 years of helping couples save
their marriages, takes you by the hand and shows you how to go from hurting to happy again.

Click Here To Survive The Affair Together!

What if I told you that the most effective way to rebuilding your marriage is included in
on of the following ten actions:

  • Talking
  • Reading self-help books
  • Praying
  • Asking for forgiveness
  • Sending, cards, letters and gifts
  • Being more attentive
  • Discussing the details of the affair and answering your spouse’s questions
  • Setting boundaries
  • Meeting each others needs …

However, if you are to get past the cheating you will need to know when to do the right
thing!

That is why you need Secrets To Survive The Affair Together

 

Secrets To Survive The Affair Together